[this post could also be titled my worst date ever. part 1... sigh.]
i have comtemplated the appropriateness of writing this post.
here i am contemplating.
is at okay to write about ex-boyfriends on a public blog?
i'm not really sure.
but this story is just too good not to tell, so here goes.
don't worry though, i'll keep it classy.
well mostly classy.
you'll see.
we shall call him D for anonymity purposes.
(yes i realize this is not mysterious for anyone who knows me at all or who stalks me on facebook.)
so i met D at a bar we were both at with friends.
sparks flew.
the next night we went on our first date.
it started well enough.
he picked me up.
we were both a bucket of nerves.
he drove us to main street culver city (in los angeles where i lived at the time),
parked the car, and we went to eat at ugo.
an italian restaurant i now love.
we ate on the patio.
i smiled and chatted and looked cute.
he opened doors and paid for my food.
good start, right?
i had gelatto for dessert.
vanilla.
this is important.
we get back in the car and drive to the movie theatre
i get out of the car at the theatre.
i hear D (still in the car) say, "what is all over your seat?!?"
"what?"
"there's something gross on your seat," he says.
no.
no. no. no. no. no.
now i have a cute outfit on
and i really don't want to know what he's talking about.
so in movie style slow motion i turn around and look.
brown... something,
on my seat.
upon further investigation (embarrassing!) we think it's chocolate.
and not just a little chocolate.
a good amount of smeared, yucky looking chocolate.
I DIDN'T EVEN EAT CHOCOLATE!
(as a side note, D's car is new and clean and beautiful and he's kinda obsessed with it.)
so we conclude there must have been chocolate on my chair at ugo.
(we ate on the patio)
so D finds napkins and begins to clean off the seat.
meanwhile,
i start attempting to clean it off the back of my jeans.
oh yes, you didn't think i'd get away without it being all over me did you?
sigh.
let me be clear,
i am cleaning mysterious "chocolate" that looks like "not chocolate" off my rear-end,
while he is cleaning it off his seat.
it looks like i had an accident!
embarrassing does not even begin to cover this moment.
in the best of circumstances, this would be pretty bad.
this is the worst of circumstances.
i am on a first date!
i. died.
so i attempt to regain what little dignity i have left,
which is not much,
and we head into starbucks to grab coffee before the movie.
oh how i wish i could say,
and i accidentally left my camera in starbucks and it was lost forever but the rest of the date went absolutely perfect and we never spoke of the chocolate incident again.
but no,
that fiasco was only the beginning of a long line of embarrassing moments i had ahead of me
before my camera was lost forever.
(and due to the length of this wonderfully terrible story)
to be continued...
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