on heaven and earth.

faith is a fundamental part of my life.  it defines me in a way more pronounced than anything else. for better or worse my life, morals, shames, joys, mistakes, loves, and moments of grace have all been shaped and continue be be shaped by my faith.

along with this faith came the understanding, even as a young child, that this world is not our home. that God did not create us for this finite time on a fallen and sinful earth. but rather He created us for forever, in heaven with Him. i believed and continue to believe that truth with every part of me. and i believe that one day He will return and take us home, to live forever in heaven with Him.

it is a fact that gives me immense comfort and hope in my life.


i remember when i was a kid looking forward to something so much, like a trip to disneyland, that i would pray to God that He wouldn't come back and take us all to heaven today, not yet, because i really wanted to go to disneyland. my childhood mind just couldn't fathom that anything could be any better, not even heaven. that world was so full of happiness.

fast forward 20 years and everything is different.


i watched the news about connecticut over my lunch break at school. then i went back and cried my way through an afternoon of teaching my 18 beautiful kindergarteners, heartbroken than anyone could be capable of killing little children like them.

yesterday i sat alone after work and again watched another tragedy unfold on the news, this time in boston. and again i cried... i cried for the victims. and the families. and the witnesses. and for our world that is so broken. and for people who are so full of darkness that they would do such unfathomable evil... this world we live in breaks my heart.


and maybe it doesn't make sense to everyone, but for me the easy answer is to just be done with it. to move to some remote ranch and surround myself with people who i love and just enjoy life away from it all, until God comes to take us all home... days like this that is really all i want. to create a safe escape from this fallen world.

but i know that that isn't the answer. and i know God is not done with this world yet. there is still so much good to be done. so many lives that still need love and hope and redemption.

so as sad as i feel. and as hopeless as things can seem at times, i will choose hope. and love. and joy... and i will continue to look forward to the day i get to sing my heaven song.